I have never been the type of person who knows exactly what they want.
As a child, it was hard to pick out a favorite toy, or to decide which of my friends is my “best” friend. As an adult, I sometimes fluster while dining out at restaurants where I need to decide what to eat, or at shoe stores, deciding which color to buy.
Back in high school, the hardest question I was ever asked was: “what’s your major”. This question put me into instant anxiety. It felt impossible to answer. How did I know what i wanted to do for the rest of my life if I’ve never tried anything? It felt very permanent and high-risk.
This life question has leaked into adulthood. I was never sure about what I wanted to do in life…And I’m still not sure. I’ve been envious of friends I’ve known who just “knew” they wanted to be a doctor, or a nurse, or a teacher.
I still have not given up searching to find an answer. This usually leads me to determine what I’m good at, by trying new things while working hard at my day-job.
I’ve had quite a few hobbies. I keep thinking I’ll find my “niche”…my magical talent…Something that I am purely amazing at, something I can quit my day-job for someday. This hasn’t really happened yet, however, I am constantly surprised at how successful I am at just about whatever I try.
One year it was baking and cake decorating. I’ve always been a good little baker. I took a class. I shadowed a professional…but it was just too fattening…seriously.
Another year I learned to play guitar! I took lessons. My skill level is intermediate. I was a fast learner, however I ain’t no Stevie Ray Vaughn. So, now I play here and there at home, alone, playing along with my favorite musicians via YouTube and my iPod.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve accepted the fact that I have a great day-job doing something I really don’t mind doing. I am grateful because most people can’t say that. I’ve also recognized that I am a creative person who needs to practice her creativity.
So, I’m going to try blogging.
I don’t expect for people to read my blog, nor do I expect to gain anything, except for personal entertainment.
I like to write. And I’ve been complimented on my writing style several times, so I do hope anyone reading this won’t be bored to tears.