Living Out 100%

Living my life 100% out has been easier for me than some.

About 12 years ago, I came out to my family a week before I moved out of state. I was 25ish. Thankfully, it was quick and somewhat painless. I’ve been out to all of my friends ever since. But coming out at work? That was different.

I didn’t come out at my job until around 2 years later. A few co-workers I had become friends with knew earlier. Because, up until that point, I felt that I could only tell people whom I trusted.

I’ve always worked with a majority of men. Which has never bothered me. However, judging from my experience being around men, I knew that once they found out about my personal life, there was a chance it would alter my work environment for the worse. I even worked with a few men who openly spoke of their dislike of “gays”. I’ve heard my share of anti-gay jokes, and just responded to them with an “I dont get it.” I’ve even heard someone say one time that gays should be lined up and shot to death! Of course I couldn’t help but call him an idiot, but I sure as shit didn’t wave my rainbow flag in his face. Except for that douchebag, I mean, ignorant bigot, overall my experience being out at work has been surprisingly fine, and even welcoming at times.

Where I work now, I am the only female in my department out of 14 men. As far as I know, I’m the only gay in my company. The bigger issue than being a lesbian, is that I’m 1 female vs 14 males. I’m constantly wondering if I’m getting “special” treatment, or that I’m underpaid. But the lesbian thing has been a non-issue. I think it actually helps me, because I’m sort of a “soft butch” type who isn’t like the guys’ wives and girlfriends at home…I’m more like one of the guys…yet I’m not one. I talk about my wife at work…and they have all met her. They’ve been supportive at a distance, even getting me a cash-filled wedding card that had 2 girls holding hands on the front.

In hind sight, it’s been a much bigger deal to me than it has been to everyone else…at least, as far as I know.

It’s Blo-og, It’s Blo-og, It’s Better Than Bad, It’s Good!

A Blog really IS similar to the “Log” toy from the “Ren and Stimpy” show!

Blogs are bad because they encourage and enable this age of non-anonymity we are in.
No longer can we comment on news articles under a phony name…or look up how to rob a bank just for shits and giggles without getting flagged by the authorities.
But it’s better than bad, because it can be absolutely revealing if you want it to be.
It’s a not-so-new vessel for personal expressionism. Blogs can and do help people. And, it can be therapeutic in a narcissistic way.

So I too, finally have a blog (not without the associated email\Facebook\Instagram accounts).
Now, what the hell do I do with it?!

It all seems so easy…set up a blog account that’s not already taken, and then pour some words out of your fingers!
Not so, says me. I have many many many questions:
What to blog? Should I maintain a focus, or a niche? Or should it be more general…a blog to grow with perhaps?
What not to blog? Should I use my real name? Is it ok with my wife if I use her name? What about friends and other family?
Is there a not-to-blog list of topics?
And what’s the legal way to post photos? It seems easiest to use my own. So, should I buy a real non-phone camera?
What about those hashtags everyone uses? Where do those go?
And how to I make my blog pretty? Do I need to select a special platform to publish from? I thought WordPress did that already.
And how do I change words into hyperlinks? Do I need to consult a guru?
Where do I find a blog consultant?

ENOUGH. STOP.

I’m going to keep it simple. I won’t overthink it.
Simple seems good right now…simple sounds clean.
I will be honest.
I’m going to take my own pictures.
I won’t use any real names, maybe an initial only with permission, of course.
I recognize that this will take time, and accepting that my blog is a work in progress is part of the fun.
And fun is why I’m blogging.

You say you want to blog….

I have never been the type of person who knows exactly what they want.

As a child, it was hard to pick out a favorite toy, or to decide which of my friends is my “best” friend. As an adult, I sometimes fluster while dining out at restaurants where I need to decide what to eat, or at shoe stores, deciding which color to buy.

Back in high school, the hardest question I was ever asked was: “what’s your major”. This question put me into instant anxiety. It felt impossible to answer. How did I know what i wanted to do for the rest of my life if I’ve never tried anything? It felt very permanent and high-risk.

This life question has leaked into adulthood. I was never sure about what I wanted to do in life…And I’m still not sure. I’ve been envious of friends I’ve known who just “knew” they wanted to be a doctor, or a nurse, or a teacher.

I still have not given up searching to find an answer. This usually leads me to determine what I’m good at, by trying new things while working hard at my day-job.

I’ve had quite a few hobbies. I keep thinking I’ll find my “niche”…my magical talent…Something that I am purely amazing at, something I can quit my day-job for someday. This hasn’t really happened yet, however, I am constantly surprised at how successful I am at just about whatever I try.

One year it was baking and cake decorating. I’ve always been a good little baker. I took a class. I shadowed a professional…but it was just too fattening…seriously.

Another year I learned to play guitar! I took lessons. My skill level is intermediate. I was a fast learner, however I ain’t no Stevie Ray Vaughn. So, now I play here and there at home, alone, playing along with my favorite musicians via YouTube and my iPod.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve accepted the fact that I have a great day-job doing something I really don’t mind doing. I am grateful because most people can’t say that. I’ve also recognized that I am a creative person who needs to practice her creativity.

So, I’m going to try blogging.

I don’t expect for people to read my blog, nor do I expect to gain anything, except for personal entertainment.
I like to write. And I’ve been complimented on my writing style several times, so I do hope anyone reading this won’t be bored to tears.